There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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