oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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