Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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