dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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