okay pat passed out under dana's car
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
