Define "chronic" masturbator.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
soo... how was my night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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