Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
