I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
