Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
