Its about making memories worth repressing
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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