Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
