Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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