then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
