I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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