So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
