Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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