maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
