He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
