he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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