I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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