We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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