I think i peed on brittanys purse
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
