So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
