I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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