If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
