i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
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Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
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He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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