why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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