She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
