Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
