someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
