Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize