That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
