just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
