I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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