Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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