I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
