i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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