I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
