Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
