You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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