I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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