Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the day after is always just damage control
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
