I will die if light touches me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's get the cat blown out
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
