I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
