I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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