i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
