Your face is a jimmy john
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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