I think im going to throw up on grandma
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
