It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
