Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Too much gin, very little bucket
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
