maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
