did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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