Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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