when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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