worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
