so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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