Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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