I have demons in me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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