why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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