I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
