i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
