I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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