I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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