If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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