I met the friendliest cop last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
