That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
