Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
