Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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