I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
