I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
