wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
