At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
