What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
