He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
