Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
