yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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